Pat Robertson Let Us In On The Secret

Pat Robertson has taken his foot out of his mouth and put pen in hand to write a new book: "Miracles Can Be Yours Today." In this $15.00 book, Robertson outlines steps you can take to create the opportunity for your own miracle. Here they are:

1. Have Faith in God
2. Speak a Command: talk to the disease, talk to the financial trouble, talk to the storm
3. Be Specific
4. Do Not Doubt
5. Appropriate the Answer
6. Immediately: God will send you an answer immediately to coincide with His perfect timing for your life
7. Forgive Those Who Have Wronged You

That's it. Kinda takes the "magic" out of it all, doesn't it? If you want a miracle, you just have to follow the seven easy steps. Speak to the financial trouble? What in the world does that mean? What do I say - "one million dollars, get over here right now!"? How do I appropriate that answer? Start spending tons of money on credit cards - believing God will miraculously give me a million bucks to pay it off?

Ah, but I see his "out" in Step #6 - God will send you an answer in HIS perfect timing. So if you do all Robertson tells you and it doesn't work, all he's got to say is that it must not be God's time to do the miracle. Very convenient for a person placing such demands on the Omniopotent Sovereign Lord!

What is a miracle is that miracles happened at all in the life of Moses. He was full of doubt. He didn't speak that well and generally just threw staffs down or lifted up his arms.

I know what miracle I'm going after - that Pat Robertson stop speaking and writing in the public arena!!! I'm even going to follow the steps:

1. Have Faith in God - I have absolute faith in God!
   
2. Speak a Command: Pat Robertson - BE GONE!
   
3. Be Specific: The Pat Robertson who once ran for the presidency, The Pat Robertson who spews forth inanities on a regular basis on TBN, The Pat Robertson who said Sharon had a stroke because he gave land back, The Pat Robertson who called for the execution of Hugo Chavez because it's cheaper than fighting a war, The Pat Robertson who dissed the entire town of Dover, PA - BE GONE!
   
4. Do Not Doubt - I do not doubt that Robertson should BE GONE!
   
5. Appropriate the Answer - I will henceforth act as if Robertson has BEEN GONE!
   
6. Immediately: God will send you an answer immediately to coincide with His perfect timing for your life (this part is out of my hands).
   
7. Forgive Those Who Have Wronged You - Not real sure who all that is but if you have wronged me - you are forgiven.
   

Now, sit back and wait.